“I’m here but I’m not there in the seclusion of homelessness
because a father and mother refuse to have a dyke for a daughter.
In the deep dark, desperate disgrace of being the only faggot
in a large family. In the lonely hours before taking my own life
for being gay. In the constant need to hide my true self in order to fit in.
In the misery of committing to a man in marriage when I feel nothing at all.
In the harrowing suffering of those before me and the ones to come after.
In the wounded spirits that have just slipped away in complete silence….
I am here, but
I am not there
I ask that you only believe me for I’ve been you in a million different ways”.
‘I’m here but I’m not there’ © by Ruth Marimo. An excerpt from the upcoming anthology: “Dampen to Bend: An Experimental Anthology Mapping Transport and Transition” ]
Ruth is a 32 year old Zimbabwean lesbian, single mother of two living in Omaha, Nebraska